Post by Harry Barry on Jan 14, 2007 17:13:02 GMT
In the second episode of the series, we will be introduced to the inhabitants of the pantry, that ‘motley crew’ (SMT speak) of ‘ne’er do wells’ who offer a daily commentary on the shenanigans of their superiors. The main characters are:
Beryl Blunt: A long-serving teacher, Beryl has a perspicacity that is the scourge of SMT incompetence. Her repertoire of one-line put-downs has been honed after many years of practice on fools whom she refuses to tolerate. In her spare time, Beryl is a would-be vintner.
John Smith: Having served in the forces, Peter knows a good leader when he sees one. After 6 years of searching at the school, he is yet to uncover one. Peter once had the temerity to try to discuss important issues at a Staff meeting, only to be ‘calmed down’ by Del Mersey who threw the local law book at him. John is an aficionado of the Far East.
Robert (Bobby) Brown: Were men like Robert representative of the male population of the world, Gillette and Wilkinson Sword would be bankrupt. Often dishevelled and unkempt, Bobby is the embodiment of crudity. He has a vocabulary of approximately 500 words but he really knows how to use them. Women find it difficult to look him in the eye, not because he is shy but because he talks to their chests. Bobby lives for thrills and excitement. For two years after University he joined a circus and was engaged to a Romanian knife-thrower. She chased him from the circus after she discovered him being ‘administered to’ by Flame Girl, the Bulgarian Fire Eater.
Samantha Baker: Young, enthusiastic and with a tongue as sharp as a razor blade, Sam is one of Bobby’s favourite female members of staff. She usually just laughs off his lascivious remarks. An avid football fan, Sam can often be seen at the home games of her favourite local side.
Harry Johnson-Harris: His double-barrelled surname makes him sound like someone from Eton or Harrow; nothing could be further from the truth. Harry is the pantry’s practical joker and sexpert. He is one of the only people that Bobby looks up to.
Carla Legova: Carla is the school’s Russian teacher. Having spent many years in London, she now has an accent that is a curious hybrid of broad Muscovite and Cockney. Sam has christened her Baboushka Doolittle. Carla is a whiz with a Powerpoint and a Whiteboard.
Jill Stephens: Jill is much more relaxed this year. Having stepped down from her position of responsibility, she is free of the burdens of dealing with SMT and is looking forward to a stress free time. The appointment of Madam Malade looks set to prove a challenge though. Even though she is well-qualified and has wonderful references (the SMT reason for appointing her), she barely speaks a word of English
Garth Stephens: Jill’s husband. One of two forthright Scots on the staff, Garth often has to be restrained at those moments when he has become exasperated with yet another glitch in the system.
Jo McBride: The second Scot. Jo lives life to the full and has an easy going charm that mutates into outrageous behaviour when she has had a few. Jo has shares in a number of Mexican breweries.
James Hall: Standing at well over 6 feet tall, James has a quiet, calm authority that is respected by all. Everyone recognises that he has the potential to be a genuinely good manager, all of which has killed off any chance of him becoming one at the Academy. James and his wife Mary are in their last year at the school.
Sadiq Shekouhi: The name tells you nothing about him. Sadiq dresses like a tailor’s dummy and is a naturally gregarious socialite who loves a party and a few drinks.
Clive Booth: Clive has a sense of humour that is drier than a camel’s foot. He has a way of looking at things that appears obtuse but tends to cut right to the heart of a matter.
An Empty Chair: Not belonging to Tiny Tim but to Michael Lemyng a previous employee of the school who, unlike his suicidal furry namesakes, was pushed off the school’s proverbial cliff. The chair was kept empty at the end of the previous term as a ‘standing’ joke. It will stay so for the first five episodes.
